About

The Early Years

I was born into a working class family in 1990 in Nottingham, being the third of four children and the first-born male. Gender uneasiness began from as early as I remember, around 5 years old, and as the years went by feelings of discomfort increased. With my two older sisters, we would occasionally crossdress one another. When I was found on a number of occasions by my father, he was enraged and became violent towards me. I was taught it was naughty and a disgusting thing to do, so I dressed in secret. From around 9-10 years old I refused to have my hair cut short and around 12 years old I realised, from satellite TV, that it were possible to change gender. This was not the best, but was the only example,  I had access to back then - Jerry Springer and Maury Povich chat shows which took advantage of transgender people, primarily transsexual women, exploiting their journeys for the sake of entertainment and controversy.

 

When I realised I was transgender I kept it to myself; back then, little was known about transgender people. The internet was still relatively new, with access being expensive and very slow, so I had no idea a specialist gender clinic for young people existed, where I could have blocked my male puberty. Thus I went through a testosterone-driven puberty which was extremely difficult time for me, where the discomfort grew so much I rarely left my bedroom, nevermind the family home. I knew I was transgender prior to puberty, and when that hit I also realised I was attracted to teenage boys my age, but knew I was not gay. My mother asked me on a  few occasions and I told her no. It felt like half a lie, but I did not have the words then to describe my feelings.

 

 At 16 years old I was laughed out of my GPs office after plucking up the courage to make an appointment to tell him I was transgender and wanted to become a woman. This was 2006, where little was known about trans-identities. By this point my gender expression appeared androgynous and could now be considered non-binary.

To be continued.